oooops didn't realise it had been a whole week since I updated... well I did but I didn't if you know what I mean... I knew it had a been a few days but not a week!
Soooooo what's been happening? Same old crap - just different days really! Had a gain of 300gms on Sunday so a bit gutted there but hey life goes on I guess especially when I am not putting in a 100% effort. Fuck - deep down all I want is to look as good (or even better) than I was pre Rachel days (having lost 42 kilos) but I just can't find the fucking motivation, willpower, determination or anything! I know I have to do this journey for ME, but at the same time I need to do it for Rachel so she has a mum to run around after her and a mum that she doesn't have to be embarrassed about when she is at school (like I endured growing up - well was not really embarrassed by mum but was very aware that she was big and not a trendy, fit mum like a lot of my friends had). I need to do it for Stephan too, so he can be proud of me like he was in the "good" days... so he has a wife to live with for many more years to come and he's not left raising Rachel by himself. But I still need to find that bloody willpower and determination that seems to be hiding somewhere!
Have not heard anything about the job in Christchurch but spoke to the agency the other day, and as the current incumbent does not finish for a few mths yet, they are not in a hurry to short list, interview, etc... so it's a matter of a waiting game there.
Still got about half of my Christmas shopping to do so am living in hope of being able to have Friday off to get it finished without a 3 yr old helping me! Rachel's creche has their Christmas party Friday morning, so am wanting to pop along to that too, and then spend the afternoon by myself shopping! But as I only asked my boss today (only found out about the creche party offically on Monday - talk about short notice), I need to wait till tomorrow to find out if his boss is ok with me having the day (or half a day) off.
Anyway, got HEAPS of washing that needs folded, and as Stephan seems pretty comfy on his laptop, it's not going to fold itself... so will sign off now and get it folded.... catch ya later
6 comments:
Karen
I totally understand wanting to be someone your partner is proud of. Being feminist I really really struggle with the concept. I really want to be thin but also realise that society is forcing this thought on me. But then being obese myself I know it is about health now rather than just vanity.
My small changes I am managing.
So far I have stopped having snack food, 3 pieces of dark chocklate a day, I have a milo without the milo and spread my margarine thinly. Making these changes weekly has stopped me obsessing about food and it has happened quite easily. Dont know what this weeks one is but will know by tonight becouse I know when I go out....I really want to be thin.
Motivation for you?????? You lost it for your wedding and to get pregnant with beautiful Rachel......what could be as powerfull as that which would make you work towards????
Karen - i'm on the outside looking in and I know EXACTLY how you're feeling in regards to the kids, them going to school etc. Lachlan starts pre-entry kindy in January and i'm very conscious of the fact that he will be at school in just 15 months!
My 2 cents worth - you don't NEED to do it at all! You have to reach a point where you WANT to do it! I don't think we're ever successful because we need to do something - sure that doesn't necessarily mean that we don't "have" to do it but the mindset might not be right for a successful outcome - does that make sense?
It's taken me a long time to get to that theory and still i've only lost 10kgs in 6 months and i'm struggling at the moment but having said that overall i'm having better success than ever before and I know my kids are benefitting as well.
You've done this before, you will do it again and you're so worth the effort - Rachel is going to be very proud of her mummy, I know it.
Hey Karen,
Hope you're having a good week so far! Did you manage to get last Friday off?
Lil x
I've started blogging again aswell :-)
http://love-laugh-live-learn.blogspot.com/
It's been longer than a week this time - subtle aren't I? :-) or maybe it's just that I miss your updates!
Missing your updates too!
Merry Christmas Karen! I hope you, Stephan and Rachel have an awesome day!
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